This past weekend, we traveled to Russellville, Arkansas, for the funeral of my Grandmother. She was 88 years old, and so very, very sick, and it was definitely a bittersweet blessing, because she was in so much pain, yet of course we always miss the ones we love when they go. I had been praying for God to have mercy on her for a long time because she has just had so little quality of life for the past few years, and He finally showed it to her. We are very lucky that we were also able to be there just a few weeks ago to say goodbye and tell her we loved her one last time. I am very glad she got to see Dresden; she was pretty obsessed with him, ever since I called to tell her I was having a boy ("I'm just partial to boys..." she'd always say) on December 26, 2008. She loved his name, which I thought was pretty cool for someone from her generation, because Dresden Grey is an unusual one, but she bragged about how great she thought it was, and she loved his curly hair, and his spunky attitude. Probably because she had curly hair almost the same color, and a spunky attitude to match. At the funeral, the preacher talked about how she could tell everyone their business and how to live and what was best for them, but she really didn't take the same advice from others. We all chuckled, because it was so true...so "Grandmother". I will really miss her, and of course I am feeling my fair share of regrets (why didn't I just call her more often, even when I didn't really know what to say? Why didn't we go for a few more visits? What else should I/could I have said or done?), but I am trying to dwell on the positives and know that, hopefully, she knew how important she was to me. I can never eat graham crackers without thinking of her, because we used to eat them as an early morning snack whenever I was there to visit when I was little. Shopping always makes me think of her because she could shop with the best of them; man, could she shop! ("Women be shoppin'" as Brad from Happy Endings would say!) Whenever I see anything related to horoscopes or the zodiac, she's on my mind, because she could have probably made money as an astrologer, although she lacked any formal training. She had those things memorized and could peg you to within an inch of your moon sign, just by spending five minutes with you, almost in an eery way. Dresden, she told me, when he was just a baby, since he was a "Gemini nature", could "never be tied down...he needs to be free!" When he's running around like a wild banshee, I think of her and laugh to myself how right she was. I could write pages and pages of all my favorite things and memories of her, but I won't. I just wanted to get some thoughts out. Alex remarked how no one was really crying at the funeral...which made me think. We all cried a little bit, but for one, Dresden was, true to form, running around at the front, right up near her casket, which made us crack up, and made me keep thinking if Grandmother could see she would be absolutely cracking up, too, and saying, "That just tickled me to death!" (read with a thick southern accent for full effect), and two, she had led such an amazing, long, full life, and was so very ready to go when it came time at the end. We were sad, but prepared, and also I think truly glad for her that she finally got her wish to be out of pain. For me, the tears have come before and after, in moments of reflection and remembrance, which makes sense to me I guess. The funeral service has very little to do with the other feelings surrounding her and her passing. Grandmother always chose laughter over tears anyway; she had one of the greatest senses of humor of anyone I've known, second maybe to my Grandad, her husband. They spent a lot of time being "tickled" and that makes me "tickled" to think about.
Our visit in Arkansas happened to coincide with the Super Moon, which was the moon at perigee coupled with it being full. We drove up to the top of Mount Nebo in Dardanelle, and sat on an overlook and took pictures. Well, Alex took pictures (duh)...I held Dresden wrapped in a blanket because he had fallen asleep in the car half an hour before. It was really peaceful and beautiful up on that mountain, looking a the red moon, feeling the breeze of late spring and holding my sleeping son. Quite a memory, to be sure.
A mama and her sleepy boy...
Alex doesn't have the lens to do justice to just how big and bright it was, but this is still a pretty amazing sight...
Now we are back and ready to get into the swing of Summer, and pre-school, our next great adventure, as Dd starts on Tuesday!!! Of course you can expect a blog about that major event! (And maybe some pictures of me sobbing, too!) LOL.
Love,
Cassie
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